Sugar
by Samantha Burke
'10
Sometimes
I see you on the train,
even though you never took the train,
sprawled out in a two-seater like you used to on
my couch
one leg higher then the other, back twisted, arms
crossed,
you wear those faded cargo shorts that need to be
thrown out
and the old gym shirt you took from me when I could
still see straight.
You dont look at me as we round a turn
and you vanish.
Once,
about a year ago, we dined al fresco at a café
that served Italian.
as the breeze rustled around us, our paper napkins
taking flight,
you took my menu (there was a map of Italy on the
back) and used
sugar granules to trace a trip across the countryside.
Then we licked our fingers and dragged them across
the trail,
along Florence and Siena and down to prosciutto
and panini.
when we finished the loop we went to taste the sweetness
of it all,
instead our mouths puckered.
It was salt sitting in little clumps on our tongues.
You made a mistake, always thinking the bitter was
the sweet.
But
it wasnt you I tasted when I let my eyes slip
open this morning.
I didnt even feel your hands clawing around
at me in the dark that night.
Instead, I pushed myself further under my covers
and looked up through the seams of my comforter,
the one from my childhood, the one I put back on
my bed when I ended it,
and stepped inside my own church, glowing with stain-glass
windows
of all colors and shapes, their fuzzy, warm outlines
above my head,
still forming sinister shapes in the morning light.
When
the food comes, my tomatoes sizzle, redder then
my hurt,
blanketed in mozzarella and sprigs of green basil
more alive then I am
slip onto my tongue, textures mingling,
covering the saltiness of moments before with something
tangible.
For months after I leave you I cant eat without
my tongue lighting on fire,
a phoenix finally beginning its beginning.
I knew it was the salt as soon as you picked up
the shaker
and spread it across Italy.
I didnt stop you.
Sugar
wouldve been a lie.