Magnificent command of language here. I am
intrigued and pulled to the "simple"
metaphors used (eg, olives, rose petals, jewel)
and the incredible impact they have on the
reader; how they evoke strong surface emotion.
I suggest making the line: "Can I ever
show you how simple is love." into a
question and switching the words is and love
so it reads: Can I ever show you how simple
love is? I think this would add some nice
tension from a vulnerability perspective compared
to the harshness of the nature of the subject
(the You).
Online
Poetry Professor is presented by The Montgomery County Poet Laureate Program
(MCPL) www.MontcoPoet.com
comments:
Joanne Leva - 03/21/2012 2:25 PM
Magnificent command of language here. I am intrigued and pulled to the "simple" metaphors used (eg, olives, rose petals, jewel) and the incredible impact they have on the reader; how they evoke strong surface emotion. I suggest making the line: "Can I ever show you how simple is love." into a question and switching the words is and love so it reads: Can I ever show you how simple love is? I think this would add some nice tension from a vulnerability perspective compared to the harshness of the nature of the subject (the You).