COMMENTS FROM CONTEST JUDGE MARIE KANE:

The second place poem in this age group exhibits a mature voice, expert command of line breaks, and the use of imaginative diction to command the reader's attention throughout this admirable, understated poem.

The first five lines invite us into the speaker's realm of possibility. The title of the poem, "If," is its first line. Next are:

I could lie here among
the crickets, listening to their
raw harmony, and not have
a thought in my head,
I would.

We are drawn into the writer's world of lying "among the crickets / listening to their
raw harmony." The speaker needs to "not have a thought in my head," which the crickets' sound would provide. The reader does not know why this need exists; it is enough to know that the speaker wishes it "would" occur. The somewhat oxymoronic phrase, "raw harmony" brilliantly suggests the slight discord of the crickets' sound. Also, the casual-appearing, but purposeful, line breaks make for a natural flow in the poem.

The next three lines of the poem explore what the speaker is willing to experience so that he or she might not "have a thought in my head." The poem reads: "I'd be willing to let rain cascade / down my face / and pamper my lips." The spot-on verbs, "cascade" and "pamper" are both visual and tactile; they also personify the rain and enhance the serenity felt in the poem.

The poem continues with more of what the speaker wishes to experience:

I'd invite a staring contest
with the hazy sky,
ask the wind to sweep across
the bridge of my nose,
and leave behind
a chill to linger on my cheeks.

What terrific visual imagery to "invite a staring contest / with the hazy sky." Certainly the implacable sky would win, but the poem allows for a chance of the speaker winning also; after all, he or she "invite[s]" the sky to the contest. In the end, I suspect it would not matter; the "staring" at the sky and the "invite" to do so are the aim, not who wins the contest. Experiencing the discomfort of a sweeping wind that "leave[s] behind / a chill to linger on my cheeks" convinces the reader that the letting go of 'self' in nature, having no thought, remains a prime motive.

And, finally, the speaker would:

lie down
in the knee-high grass and let
serenity
overcome me:

I present these lines to appreciate the poem's excellent line breaks; the speaker uses short and longer lines with purpose. The lines, "lie down / "in knee-high grass. . ." elicit a sense of childhood, escape, and surrender that appeal. For the speaker, this lying down would allow "serenity" to "overcome me." Note the word choice of "serenity"; its multi-faceted meaning suggests tranquility and peace, calmness and stillness, while the word "overcome" demonstrates nature's ability to surmount any barriers and impediments that civilization can produce.

The poem ends with power and poise. The speaker believes that this overwhelming "serenity" would behave this way:

start in my stomach
as an ember, then spread
through my body
and at that moment,
when everything is,
I am.

The transformative power of nature and resulting recognition create a meaningful ending. I especially appreciate an "ember" as a metaphor for the "spreading" warmth that the giving of oneself to nature engenders.

The clarity of the speaker's wish of giving into the force of nature is expertly done; the reader feels this warmth and oneness also. This writer's natural and easy voice, pleasing and understated tone, clear message, and effective poetic technique make this a winning poem.

Thank you for the privilege of reading your work!

Marie Kane
Final Judge, Sarah Mook Poetry Contest
engmrk@aol.com